The Three Coconuts

This blog is largely about our adventures and some of our proudest moments. But with all endeavors there are going to be some that have unsuccessful outcomes. These are a few of mine.

Yoga
You wouldn't think of yoga as a pass/fail kinda activity... but let me assure you it's not for everyone. At first things were going great. We were doing strength moves, holding positions while my muscles burned and began to quiver as sweat formed on my body. I was loving it... right at home here. Then we begin the process of contorting our bodies into indescribable and often obscene positions. Now this hurts, and all I can think about is my hamstring being ripped from its attachment on the femur. I make the mistake of looking around at the others in the class and take note of their peaceful, serene expressions... and their positions looking much more yoga like than mine. Yoga immediately became a competitive sport. I resolved to rip or tear my body as necessary to bend it further than the color coordinated women in the room, some of whom actually wore makeup to workout. This kept me entertained for a while, but then it was time to assume one pose and work on our breathing. Breathing is one of the few things I don't worry about. My brain has been taking care of breathing for 43 years (with a few exceptions during swim workouts where it was suggested I learn to breath without stopping to tread water). Now we sat and were supposed to focus on breathing. My mind checked out. It does that a lot. While they breathed I did my grocery list, planned a few key workouts for the next week and could have gone on the other plagues of the world had the class not ended. So I attempted to straighten my now permanently bent legs, dusted off the fine layer of dirt I had accumulated from the mat and hobbled from the room painfully, all the while feeling like I had really missed something here.

Fishing
My last fishing expedition involved my body violently proving that peristalsis can occur in both directions simultaneously. For hours I was ripped from end to end as my gastrointestinal tract attempted to reunite itself with the mother ocean. But this was an impulse trip, so I had little time to weasel out of it. And this was an inlet and canal trip only, so I was guaranteed no big bumpy waves. Not only did I get no big water... but also no big boat. This was a very little boat. The Genius and my Dad were all psyched about fishing, while Mom and I were more into enjoying the weather (hot and sunny) and scenery. Mom hopped on the boat (with Oxygen tank in tow) and as soon as we were underway, she's harassing the Guide to drive the boat faster. I love to see her do this as people think they need to take special care with her, and she proceeds to disprove their notions (while para sailing and jet skiing...). I believe that the "live with wild abandon" attitude is just her... that or she just wanted to see if I'd hurl if she got the boat ride bumpy enough. So we get to the inlet where swarms of fish go by in chase of bait fish, and being chased by sea birds. Guide throws in and hands off to The Genius, who already has a fish! This looks like fun, fishing with no patience required. Only skills needed: casting and setting the hook. Casting involved flipping one lever to let the line out and not hooking your boat mates. First time The Genius cast everyone in the boat (except the Guide only because he didn't know her) hit the deck. I was more prone to forgetting to flip the lever so that when I swung (hard, like I was trying to hit a home run) my bait and line was wrapped around the tip of my rod like a maypole. Setting the hook required a controlled pull on the rod to seat the hook in the victims mouth. My first bite I snatched that thing like I was teaching a 800 pound yearling colt how to lead. I broke the line, gave the fish a tonsillectomy and an automatic release with in 3 seconds. I also cleared the front half of the boat and could have easily capsized the thing with just a little more enthusiasm. The Guide seemed a little reluctant to put new line on, but eventually he did and assured me that he went with something a little stronger. Meanwhile, my boating companions are pulling in fish regularly. Mom was even getting some action, but I caught her getting the Guide to cast her bait in the right spot. I have no pride, he cast for me and I finally caught an infant. The Genius was barefoot and balanced while clambering all over the boat. She and Dad even hooked large Jacks at the same time and performed a choreographically worthy dance around the boat deck while attempting to land their victims. Tyler got her's in at an estimated 13 pounds!!! She also made an addendum to the boyfriend list: must have boat. I was enjoying the show while cautiously sitting on the boat casting and reeling. Watching the dolphins and thinking about swimming with them. Cast and reel. Watching the sun shine on my beautiful daughter as she played with my parents. My mind was so checked out. Cast and reel. Then a giant fish grabbed my bait, nearly pulling the rod from my hands. I squealed like a girl (who obviously had not been paying attention) and attempted to thrust the rod at anyone who would take it while I tried to get to the other end of the boat. I still managed to break the line. I can't believe I couldn't focus well enough to fish. Maybe fishing isn't the sport for me.

NutritionI admit it I am a garbage gut. I have conquered some areas of my diet like fats and meat. But large volume consumption of breads, sweets and frequent beer and wine seem to be my undoing. I only get by as well as I do because I do an insane amount of exercise. And I admit that one of my goals for my exercise program is to produce a body that I can live with. But doing hard exercise on a less than ideal diet can provide its own revenge, and entertainment. Thought I'd share some of my mistakes.

pre training nutrition

Don't go out and try to train when you haven't eaten all day because you felt guilty after polishing off a half gallon of fro yo with a bottle of wine the night before. Also, doomed to failure is the workout done on no food because you were saving up your calories for a big dinner out that night (this kind of thing will leave one stumbling and stupid). Equally uncomfortable are the runs done as penance after binge eating, or just unfortunate combinations like todays 8 mile tempo run done after eating a yoplait and a couple handfuls of macadamia nuts. Don't know what the nuts and yogurt did in my stomach but I sloshed for the first 4 miles, passed gas for the next 4 and things could have gotten really ugly had it been a 10 mile run rather than 8.

race nutrition

My first marathon. Longest run ever, I was nervous but we prepared and trained. So what made me decide to eat sweet potato souffle at 4 am before running 26.4 miles? Yes it started its life as a sweet potato, which would have been an acceptable choice. But the simple sugar and butter and whatever other magic MiMi does to it to make it taste like dessert must have chemically changed it into the worlds most potent (albeit best tasting) laxative. Then you've seen me err on the other side at the recent Augusta race, where I just ran out of fuel by mile 6 of the run. My body still hasn't forgiven me for that. My hunger has been driving me to eat as if it could be my last meal... my body was convinced that there was no food available in the world. Since then I've been in consume and hibernate mode. I will spare you the details of eating a large Johnny Rocco Salad With No Olives the night before last years Jax Bank half marathon. I did make a personal best time, but only by doing interval runs between porta potties.

These are just a few of my recent misadventures. Hope they were good for a laugh, if TV was bad tonight. The most memorable moments sometime come from the journey itself, rather than the successful completion of your goal.

Aloha,
The 3 Coconuts :)