The Three Coconuts

Heading west for the Longhorn 70.3 triathlon in Austin, TX. This half ironman is our second in one month.... our first attempt to get two good races out of one training peak. It's also a trip we've really been looking forward to because we LOVE Austin. In 2007 this was our first ever half ironman and a great vacation where we fell in love with the town. So this year we decided to make it our "mulligan" race. That way if we had a catastrophe (physical, mental or mechanical) at the Augusta race, we would have a redo. Augusta was pretty perfect for Blain, and I made my main goal even though I bonked pretty unattractively on the run... so it was hard to take the Longhorn race too seriously (besides we were planning on having so much fun). So here goes our adventure...


Wednesday we pull out with Flossy loaded up like the Beverly Hillbillies truck and we hit I-10 in great spirits. Made it through to Mississippi before Blain and I started to get dreary and had to resort to finding a Starbucks. We are very adamant about avoiding caffeine except during races, but this was deemed an exception to the rule and we dove into some pumpkin latte's. Next thing I know, I'm discussing the amazing cycle of latte flavors and extolling the virtues of ginger spice in fast forward. I also shared all my plans for the winter and next year and made a few lists just to help Blain keep up. I tried to talk him into going on to Austin that night but, being the mature one, he refused to go past Baton Rouge without stopping for the night. We bounced out the Genius (who slept through everything) and hit the bed. Where Blain slept, while Tyler and I continued to chat until she refused to play with me anymore.

It was a long night, and an ugly morning with a caffeine hangover. I slept in the back seat until about lunch on Thursday when I awoke to find us in downtown Houston navigating our way to a Chipotle. The family was hungry, and I was still feeling icky. I naively offered to drive while they ate, and began to try to get back to I-10. Little did I know at the time, that I had just been delivered into HellTown and handed the keys. The Garmin could not find I-10. It's not "Houston we have a problem".... the correct phrase is "Houston is the problem". All systems were at work but we were still failing horribly as, in lunch hour traffic, we travelled one way multi lane streets filled with hungry, cranky Texans. Then we're at an intersection trying to go straight. On one side of the intersection is a wrecker (hooking up to a broken down vehicle) and a police car. The light turns green, I ease around the wrecker to find all traffic stopped going forward. The light turns red. I'm still in the road, in the left lane pointed North. Traffic is attempting to go behind me East, but the Beverly Bikebilly mobile is blocking the way. I can't go backward or East through 3 other lanes of stopped cars. The light turns green, still we stand. The light turns red. Blain stops eating his lunch and looks panicked behind my seat and out the window. Then the policeman taps on my window, and suggests that since I decided to block all the traffic I should pull over and have a talk with him. Shannon, who I work with, gets pulled for speeding regularly. She has beautiful blue eyes and an unholy ability to cry attractively whenever necessary. She has never gotten a ticket despite her tendency to drive as if racing Nascar. I have never mastered this, but for a brief moment I remember wishing I had that type of self control. The moment was brief though and didn't last long enough for me to get the car in park, then unfortunately I was just pissed.

I was notified that I broke the law, and that if someone hit me it would be my fault, and that I was blocking up everything. I wouldn't have been blocking anything if he would have gone up a few blocks and figured out why the people weren't moving even though the light was green. I attempted to explain that where I come from when the light is green, that means go. I did manage not to go into things like... roads are supposed to go in both directions, because he had no sense of humor.

He took my license and determined I wasn't wanted while I waited in the car. Blain and Tyler were thankfully mute at this time. Then Big Nasty Houston Cop comes back to find out what I am doing in his town. I'm now over it, if you want to give me a ticket be like the Nike ad and Just Do It, but don't lecture me anymore. I have a FL license, 3 bicycles, luggage filled back and two passengers shoving in Chipotle Mexican lunches and pretending they don't hear whats going on. Blain did choke slightly when I pointed out the obvious in a less than humble manner. The Cop wanted me to leave Houston, I explained I really wanted to leave Houston if he could do something about this traffic and point me to I-10. He directs me to Louisiana Street and our lovely visit finally ends without any official citation. You know how in the South we joke about taking people Snipe hunting, and there is no such thing as a snipe? Well in Houston I guess the game is Louisiana Street, because there is no Louisiana Street. So I guess Mr. Nasty did get the last word. We finally got onto I-45 to get back to I-10. I don't know where or what direction I-45 goes, I didn't care, it was an interstate that led away from HellTown and I was getting on it. Luckily we didn't have to go to Austin by way of Oklahoma or Mexico. By now Blain had found his voice and was in official distress mode, while The Genius was still being highly offended by Mr. Nasty's attitude and treatment. Once we reached I-10, and where actually going the correct direction, the adrenaline ebbed and the giggles started, so we put in our CD of show tunes and sang and laughed all the way to Austin.

Aloha and stay tuned!

The Three Coconuts